Monday, February 14, 2011

Space Band and Followers

Rick and I went to our usual bar several nights ago to hang out for a bit.  We noticed a band setting up, but that's nothing unusual.  Or so we thought. The band consisted of three 20something members:

1) A guy with long greasy hair who looked like he hadn't showered in approximately 30 days.
2) A nerdy guy with glasses and a curly white-guy afro
3) A guy wearing a sideways hat and a huge gold chain ... Mmhmm, he keeps it real.

Anyway, they dragged in all their equipment and started to warm up.  The warming up consisted of Gold Chain Guy blasting out sci-fi noises from a keyboard that sounded like the theme song to some kind of 80's romantic comedy, starring aliens.  It was like a John Hughes movie soundtrack ... in space.  Afro Guy was on drums, randomly thumping out a beat that had nothing to do with the keyboard "music".  Greasy Guy was holding a guitar but not actually playing it.  The warm-up last for about three mintues, and then the band just went to stand outside for an hour before finally coming back in to start the actual show.  I'm guessing they had to consult with their mothership before they could perform.

While they were outside getting beamed up, I noticed that a Bob Marley sign was hanging from the keyboard.  So then ... wait ... what???  Here they were playing random space sounds, and apparently Bob Marley is their muse.  Maybe they didn't actually know who he was.  Maybe they saw a picture of him and thought he looked like some sort of alien leader.

Right before the show began, a huge crowd of people came bolting through the door.  They all looked like this was the first time they had ventured outside of their parents' basements in a while, and a lot of them were wearing t-shirts with the band's name on them.  It was a giant cult of nerds, all queueing up to get down to the funky space beats!  I'd never seen anything quite like it.

The music continued to be all spacey and weird, (this time with Greasy Guy actually PLAYING his guitar) and the followers were loving it.  In fact, one chubby dude was loving it way more than I have ever seen anyone love anything.  He was standing right in front of the band, dancing his heart out the entire time.  His dancing was so hilarious that I was doing that laughing-so-hard-you-can't-breathe thing.

He started out doing a head bobbing motion that reminded me of how chickens look as they strut around.  He would thrust his head back and forth with every step he took, and it quickly became apparent to me that this guy did not care at all how stupid he looked.  I mean, Rick and I were very openly laughing at him, and I feel like it only made him feel proud of his moves.  For his next trick, he started violently and robotically punching his arms forward.  He looked like a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot.

At that point, his girlfriend (how does he have a girlfriend?) came over to try to talk him off the dance floor.  She looked pissed as hell and extremely embarrassed.  She kept shaking her head at him, and eventually he followed her back to where she had been sitting.  They had a little argument, which ended with him thundering back to his dance area and her storming outside to stand in the cold.  I don't blame her.  If Rick had been dancing like that, I would have chosen to stand outside freezing too.

His next move consisted of him randomly squatting down really low and moving his arms as if he were rocking a baby to sleep.  He did this in a hyper fast manner, flailing his arms about as if he were trying to kill that invisible baby.  He then stood up and started twirling in circles as fast as possible, and luckily the nerds around him backed away before he crashed into them.  After that, he decided a good idea would be to get a drink.  Right ... because he just wasn't out of control enough yet.  After returning from the bar, he attempted to continue his insane dance moves while drinking, which resulted in him missing the straw almost every time.

As for the other nerds, I saw one of them take a tequila shot, which he had clearly never done before in life.  To begin, he dumped about half the contents of a salt shaker on his hand.  He then took the shot, (spilling most of it down his shirt) and afterwards completely forgot to put the lime in his mouth.  Next to me, a guy was trying to buy a drink using his birth certificate as his form of ID.  How is that easier to carry around than a drivers license?  Although, a drivers license would probably be of no use to him since I'm sure the only vehicles he's ever "driven" were spaceships in video games.

Right before we left, I saw a guy join Insane Dancing Guy on the floor.  This new one started dancing by repeatedly punching himself in the stomach.  Perhaps he was trying to induce vomiting since the band was so terrible.  Oh, and Insane Dancing Guy's girlfriend finally got into the spirit by grinding up on some old man who was dancing with his cane.  He looked about 85.  She was probably attracted to him because, even with his age and cane, his moves were far superior to her boyfriend's.

I really hope this band plays every week.

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