Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Joe Update

I know I wrote a Joe blog not too long ago, but I got some good quotes recently, so I just have to share them with you all.

1) Halloween

Joe informed me that last year for Halloween, he dressed up as Jesus (big surprise) and got super wasted and ended up passing out by 11pm.  He also apparently fell off the bed at some point during the night, but he doesn't remember doing that.  Instead of taking full responsibility for his actions, Joe chose to blame the costume.  He says that since he was dressed as Jesus, people expected him to be able to drink huge quantities of alcohol with no problem.  When I asked why they would expect that, he simply said,

"You know, 'cause of that whole water into wine thing.  I mean, Jesus is supposed to be able to drink like a motherfucker!"

This year for Halloween, Joe is either dressing up as a chicken or a penguin.  My vote is for penguin.

2) Easter

Joe told me yesterday, while we were on the subject of Halloween costume options, that he wants to get a giant bunny outfit in honor of the upcoming Easter holiday.  He plans to wear this into work so that his co-workers can take pictures with him.  He also generously stated that they could even bring their kids in for photos.  I gotta say, even though this idea is ridiculous, I would totally take a pic with Bunny Joe.

Joe is also highly concerned about what his wife is making for Easter dinner:

"I wanna have a say in the menu 'cause if I leave it all up to my wife, I'll end up eating asparagus casserole and asparagus ham and asparagus ... on the cob."

Yeah, God knows I hate that asparagus stuff, especially when it comes on the cob. 

3) Joe likes to sing, remember?

Seriously, he sings constantly, always in the high-pitched voice for whatever reason.  As I'm writing this, "What a Feeling" from Flashdance is blaring from his direction, and of course he's singing along.  Anyway, there was an incident earlier this week that had me laughing for a good 20 minutes straight.  There's a guy named Rod who sits next to Joe, and Rod makes a lot of calls to clients and trains them on things and does little important seminars.  Well, Rod was on one of these client calls, when out of nowhere, Joe busts out (in the high-pitched girly voice) with:


I mean, honestly, I have no idea how that song popped into his head, or why he felt the need to holler out that particular section of it, but wow I laughed so hard thinking about how a client had just heard that in the background.  They probably think we're all absolutely insane.

4) Alarm clock

I don't know how Joe and I got on the topic of alarm clocks, but we did.  He was standing at my desk telling me that his wife needs a new alarm clock but he has had the same one for 18 years, and it still works perfectly.  As he was trying to describe how perfect his clock is to me, he struggled to find the most suitable words:

"It's not quite the Jesus of alarm clocks, so I'll say it's the Methuselah.  No wait, what's something that's really hardworking?   Who was that guy that raced the train?  It's like him.  Although, at the end of that story, he died, so maybe that's not the best analogy.  I'll just stick with Methuselah for now."

Guy that raced a train?  What???

Ok, there are your Joe updates for today!  Oh wait, one more - he just sang/shouted "SAY MY NAME, SAY MY NAME" Destiny's Child style.  Oh lord.


  1. I love this Joe guy. Number 3 is my favorite :-)

  2. Haha, yeah number 3 is my favorite too - I still laugh thinking about it