Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Things That Annoy Me: Bowling Alley Edition

I love going bowling, and lately Rick and I have done it quite a bit.  I'm not all that great at it, but it's super fun.  HOWEVER, there are many aspects of being at a bowling alley that definitely get on my nerves:

1) Bad Parents

I don't know what it is about these places, but bowling alleys make a lot of parents completely forget that they have kids.  The kids run around screaming while the parents continue to bowl and have no idea that their kids are nowhere in sight.  To be fair, usually they notice after about 20 minutes or so.  I once saw this mom lose her kid about 4 different times, and when she would go looking for him, she wouldn't even take THAT seriously.  Her idea of looking around for her son involved her peeking under the benches where her family was sitting and then giving up completely. 

These parents also don't try to keep their kids from ruining other people's games.  I've had kids crash into me while doing victory dances after they managed to knock 1 pin down, and the parents don't even call them back to their side of the lane.  I've also had a kid hurl his ball towards me, and again, the parents think that's totally acceptable.  I bet I could make a killing if I promoted an idea like In-Alley Babysitting.

2) Overexcited Underachievers

Usually female.  These chicks will squeal at the top of their lungs for any result other than a gutter ball.  I don't know what would happen if one of them ever managed to actually get a strike - they'd probably die right there.  If they happen to be with a boyfriend, the most annoying thing is when they knock down about 2 pins and even the boyfriend joins in cheering for them.  It makes me wonder if these people behave like this in other aspects of life.  I mean, let's say they manage to cook something without burning it - do they then call everyone they know and squeal on the phone like OHMYGOD GUESS WHAT I JUST DID; YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT!!!!!  I don't know, perhaps I should take a lesson from them and learn to be excited about the (very) little things in life ... but I feel like I'm too much of a pessimistic bitch to care about stupid shit like that.

3) Guys Who Think They're Amazing

This pretty much applies to any guy who has ever stepped inside a bowling alley.  I don't know why, but they all feel like they have to look cool while hurling a ball at some pins.  This inevitably results in them looking ridiculous and retarded.  I've seen it all, trust me.  A couple weeks ago, Rick and I were next to a bunch of frat-looking guys (barf), and one of them kept running up with the ball, slamming it down in what he imagined was a manly style ... then, once the ball was rolling, he would finish by going up on his tiptoes while balancing on one leg ... like an arabesque.  Seriously, what the fuck?  It was like: MANLYMANLYMANLYOHIMALITTLEGIRLNOWLOOKHOWPRETTYIAM.

Most of the other guys I see just try to roll/throw the ball as hard as humanely possible, which more often than not causes it to go straight into the gutter.  Then they stomp off cussing because everyone knows cussing and looking pissed off is also a sign of manliness.  Morons.

4) People Who Steal My Damn Ball

I don't particularly like the fact that I'm forced to share the ball holder thing (and the computer) with another group of people, but I deal with it.  Well, I deal with it until one of them uses my ball.  I HATE THAT.  I know they have their own f-ing ball to use, but no, because theirs didn't come out of the dispenser fast enough from their last roll, they just grab mine.  Last weekend, this chick kept doing that, and I finally had to let her know who was boss.  When she and I both happened to be up at the same time, I glared at her meaningfully then violently grabbed my ball in a clear display of, "This is mine, biatch!"  Luckily, she got the message and didn't touch my ball for the rest of the evening. 

Rick hates this too.  A little kid kept stealing his, and I mean, if it's a kid I would normally be more forgiving, but this goes back to the whole thing about how parents let their kids do anything they want while bowling, so it pisses me off no matter the age of the criminal.

5) The Ancient Technology

Ok, I'm sorry, but how long have bowling alleys been around???  You'd think that by now, I could get through a game without the damn pin resetter malfunctioning.  At least once during a bowling session, all of these things will happen to me:

- The pins will just lie there after I knock them down and not get cleared
- The pins will get cleared but not reset
- Everything will get cleared and reset but the score won't change
- Everything will get cleared and reset and the score will change to an incorrect number

What makes it worse is when everyone's lanes are screwing up at the same time, so you can't even flag down a staff member to correct it.  So basically, in an era where we can have things like smartphones and 3d television, why the hell can't bowling work properly?  Argh.

Even with all of these annoyances, I keep going back.  The only decent-sounding reason for this that I can come up with is just that bowling kicks ass.  Next time I'm gonna go for a personal best and try to hit 120!  Woo!

No comments:

Post a Comment