It's everyone's favorite time once again! Time for some Joe quotes! I gathered these little gems over the couse of several weeks. Enjoy!
1) New Sales Rep
A new sales rep was hired a couple weeks ago, and he sits near Joe. Joe instantly decided that the guy looked exactly like Donnie Wahlberg, and so he only refers to him as Donnie. I actually don't even know the guy's real name because all I hear is Joe saying "Hey, what's up, Donnie?" etc. Anyway, Joe was talking to me about his first impression of the new guy:
Joe: Ashley, I think this new guy is the next big thing.
Me: You mean in sales or just in general?
Joe: Just in general. I'm getting good vibrations from him.
Nevermind the fact that his "good vibrations" joke actually has to do with Mark Wahlberg and not Donnie, but whatever. We'll see how long it takes the new guy to reject this name and tell Joe to shove it.
2) TV Show Confusion
An employee who sits near Joe, named Rod, was trying to remember the name of a tv show.
Rod: It's called, like, something "Blues" ... and someone's, like, a police chief in it or something.
Joe: Chief Blues!! It's Chief Blues!
Rod: Uh, no, that's not it ...
Me: Yeah, I know what show you're talking about, and that's definitely not the name.
Joe: Yeah it is! It's Chief Blues! And when he comes home, everyone says, "Hey, Chief!"
Ok, so the show is actually called "Blue Bloods". I really think Joe had never seen or heard of the show but just desperately wanted to be part of the conversation. I guess he just picked 2 words from Rod's description and went with it as his guess for the title. I love his extra effort in trying to convince us by making up a fact about his imaginary show, in which people greet a character with "Hey, Chief!"
3) The Old Guy
Background info: There is a fairly old employee here. I'm guessing the guy is in his sixties. Joe finds it hilarious that the guy, John, is old, and often makes fun of it. John and Rod went to lunch one day, and Rod came back with a story to tell. Of course, he made the mistake of trying to tell it to Joe.
Rod: Hey Joe, guess what John said when we were on the way to lunch!
Joe: "Can we stop somewhere so I can get 16 prescriptions filled"??
I mean, that's pretty hilarious, honestly.
4) Moonwalking Jesus
I don't remember why, but Joe and I got on the topic of Michael Jackson's moonwalk. As you probably all know, I love love love MJ, and I could talk about him and his dance moves for days; however, I could not talk about him for days with Joe. Joe of course must throw Jesus into the conversation. I really still don't get his Jesus obsession - all of his Jesus facts are just made up on the spot, and I don't think Joe is even a little bit religious!
"You know, Ashley, Jesus can moonwalk. In fact, that's just how Jesus walks backwards normally. He's like, 'I'm Jesus; I just glide.' And he can do it on water too!"
I won't even bother with background info. Just check this out.
Joe: The maintenance dude in the bathroom just took the urinal off the wall! That is the most amazing thing ever because there were only TWO pipes back there which means I could easily have one in my own home!
Me: Why would you want one?
Joe: Because no one else has one!
Me: But why do you need it?
Joe: Ashley, 25 years ago no one had cell phones because they didn't need them. You could use the same logic here.
Joe: Look, this isn't a matter of needing it. This is a matter of awesomeness.
Yeah. Just ... yeah.
Again, really no background needed for this one.
Joe: Ashley, I'd like you to know that I got a new email account with ROCKETMAIL!
Me: Did you pick Rocketmail because of its name?
Joe: Well yeah, I think that's pretty obvious. ROCKETMAIL! That shit is awesome! No one's ever gonna forget that!
Laura (co-worker who sits next to me): Sorry Joe, what did you say the name was again?
Joe: I'll say it again just because I love saying it so much. ROCKETMAAAAAAIL!!!!
P.S. That last "Rocketmail" outburst was sung to the tune of Elton John's "Rocket Man." I know you guys are super jealous of all the time I get to spend with Joe. Maybe one day I will have some sort of blog contest where the winner gets to have lunch with him. I don't trust Joe to behave like a normal human around my friends, though, so I'd probably have to tag along to supervise.