Wednesday, July 27, 2011


I know you are all eager to get to know me better, so I am giving you this list of some of the special characteristics that make me ... me.

1) Onion Rules

I hate onions a lot.  They are stupid.  If something has even a little bit of onion in it, I automatically consider that dish a D- on the grading scale.  Like, I love spaghetti, but if there are little onion bits in the sauce, I feel like I can taste them more than I should be able to, and they always stick to my tongue like they really want to prove the point that they're in there.

HOWEVER, there is one food in the world that contains onions that I absolutely love, and that food is: the hamburger from a McDonald's Happy Meal.  Now, it's important to note that any other McDonald's product that contains onions is unacceptable to me.  I will only eat them on the Happy Meal burgers.  But yeah seriously, I love those little diced up onions they put on there.  No idea why.  I legit can eat like 4 of those burgers in one sitting.  I wish I could recreate them at home, but I know that if I diced up some onions on my own and put them on a burger, it would suck.

It's a good thing I've been eating those Happy Meal burgers since I was little.  Otherwise, seeing that they had onions on them, I never would have tried them as an adult.

2) Setting My Alarm

Most mornings, Rick just wakes me up once he's done showering.  This is great for me because I get really paranoid that my alarm won't go off.  Here is a glimpse of my paranoia, which kicks in at night when I'm setting my alarm for the morning:

Step 1: Set the alarm on my cell phone
Step 2: Check that it's set to the correct time
Step 3: Check that the alarm is set to "On"
Step 4: Check that it's set for "am"
Step 5: Check that my volume is turned on
Step 6: Get worried that it won't be loud enough and turn the volume all the way up
Step 7: Go back in and make sure it's set to the correct time
Step 8: Forget that I checked to make sure it was set to "On" so do that again
Step 9: Stare at the alarm screen for 5 minutes making sure it has the correct time, is on, and is set for "am", while repeating aloud what it says on the screen several times so I know without a doubt that I'm verifying all this information
Step 10: Get worried that I set it too loud, so turn the volume down a couple notches
Steps 11-50: Keep checking every detail until I'm too tired to see the screen anymore

Yes, it's a problem.

3) Computer Wallpapers

When choosing a new background image for my laptop or work computer, I can get kind of intense.  I know that this is a picture I'll be seeing often, so it of course has to be perfect.  If I decide I'm in a "scenic view of nature" mood, I will scroll through dozens of Google Image Search results, analyzing every nature picture until I find one that's ideal.  The same goes if I'm in a "really hot celeb guy" mood or "scene from Nightmare Before Christmas" mood, etc, etc.  I am definitely not one of those people that can Google "sunset wallpaper" and just use the first pretty picture that pops up.

Usually, once I choose one, I hate myself for giving up so easily and go back and search again, convinced that there's a better one out there. 

4) TV Meals

99% of the time, I cannot watch tv without eating something at the same time.  Also, I hate eating something without watching tv at the same time.  Those 2 activities just really work well together.

I mean, I love going out to restaurants, but I especially love it if a sports game is on while I'm eating.  If I'm at a friend's house and we're watching tv, I have to really try hard not to be like "Ok, I need food NOW!"  I don't even know how this all started, but it's gotten a little ridiculous.  At home, I never eat at the table.  I have all my meals on our bed so that I can watch shows on my laptop, which is right next to the bed.  If I were just sitting at the table eating like a normal person, without a show on in the background, I would feel like the meal was wasted.

If Rick and I are watching tv for a couple hours on a lazy Saturday, I will literally snack the entire time.  Even if I'm not hungry.  This might be an addiction.  Luckily, I have not yet gained 500 pounds, and he has not yet said something like, "What the fuck is up with your constant eating?  I am dumping you because this is too retarded for me to handle.  Best of luck trying not to drive your next boyfriend away."

I might keep doing posts like this every so often.  Getting to know me better can be a recurring theme for you guys, like the Joe posts.

1 comment:

  1. I'm the same with my alarm!! I laughed the whole way through that part!