Monday, January 17, 2011

Flashback: Craft Store Lady

My mom is one of those crafty people who loves making things 24/7.  When my sister Casey and I were young, Mom used to drag us to the craft store with her sometimes when she needed supplies.  Obviously these trips bored us out of our minds, so we would usually wander around the aisles looking at/touching all the crafty stuff.

On one of these trips, however, we came across a woman who was clearly out of her freakin' mind.  At the time, Casey and I were both middle school age.  Casey couldn't have been older than 11.  We were minding our own business when the woman approached us:

Woman: Where are ya'll's candles??????
Me and Casey: .........

We just stood there having no idea what to say.  Why was she talking to us and demanding candles?  We hadn't brought any candles into the store!  Did she want us to give a detailed description of where all the candles in our house were so she could get some decorating tips??  After a few seconds of our stunned silence, she continued, and the mystery was solved:

Woman (now visibly annoyed):  Come on; ya'll work here!!!!
Casey: ........
Me: Um, we don't work here.

Seriously?  How the hell could she think we worked there???  We were kids!  I wanted to be like "Yeah, this isn't a candle-making sweatshop, you psycho!"  Casey remained too shocked to speak throughout the entire encounter, and it's a wonder I managed to say anything myself, given how ridiculous the situation was.  The chick didn't even apologize - she just went off on her quest for candles.  She probably stopped to ask every kid she saw along the way if THEY knew where the candles were.

I don't know ... maybe she had been searching for the candles for hours and had gotten lost in the glue or paint section and was delirious from the fumes and hallucinated 2 uniform-clad adults instead of 2 kids.  Speaking of uniforms, Casey still blames the whole encounter on me since I was wearing overalls at the time and apparently that's what the employees wore.  Well, first of all, Casey wasn't wearing overalls, but the woman still thought SHE worked there.  Second, I doubt my super cool overalls (barf) caused me to look that much older.

I wish I had been quick-thinking enough to pretend that I did work there:

"The candles are in aisle 4, but because you didn't ask for them nicely, you are hereby banned from this store.  Please exit immediately before my colleague and I are forced to call Big Hank, our security officer."

But yeah, clearly this woman had no sense of how to tell a person's age.  She probably went around bothering kids in every store she entered.  I keep picturing her going to buy herself a new shirt and asking a toddler to please get her a fitting room.

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