That damn mouse is still alive. I just know he is waiting to sneak up on me.
A few weeks ago, Rick and I kept hearing him scurrying around in the kitchen. He is SUPER loud for such a tiny creature ... unless he has turned into some sort of giant mutant mouse (an image that haunts my dreams now). Once, Rick even saw him venture out into the dining room! We decided at that point that we needed to set a trap for him. I mean, I didn't want to be in the shower one day, look down, and see Herman peeking in like the sick pervy mouse I know he must be.
I have to convince myself that he's a horrible creature. That's the only way I can feel good about setting a trap to kill him.
When Rick came home with the trap and set it, I had sort of a weird reaction ... I burst into tears. At that moment, all I could think of was poor little Herman just trying to have these harmless social interactions with us, and here we are, being the worst hosts ever, murdering our guest.
So, Rick came up with a plan. Because he is a genius. And knows how to handle his insane girlfriend.
He came over to where I was curled up on the bed, crying like a moron, and told me that it was ok to kill Herman because he is, in fact, not a good mouse at all:
"You know, he only sneaks in here looking for other girl mice to cheat on his wife with. That's the whole reason he comes over. He sneaks over here after his wife and kids are asleep and looks for mouse whores, and if he can't find any, he just keeps going from apartment to apartment looking for them. He's a player!"
I knew he was right. I fully convinced myself that all the noises we heard were Herman banging some prostitute mouse while his perfect wife and children were at home. So now I am totally cool with killing him.
HOWEVER it's been weeks and he is apparently way too smart for our trap. Herman is still at large ... or, at small ... since he's a mouse. Ha. Ok, bad joke.